Happy Weekend

 Most parents of internationally adopted children say things turn around at 6 weeks.  I'm not sure if that is 6 weeks home or 6 weeks in our arms.  In any event Dima has been under our care for 6 weeks today.  I don't know if it's just been wishful thinking but I feel like he is so much more comfortable home now and so happy!  This past weekend has been by far his best.
Friday we took the kids to the pumpkin patch for pictures.  They did great and Dima has learned the word "pumpkin" and definately knows how to pose for a picture complete with his saying "CHEESE".  Below are a couple shots.

Saturday our good friends the Burns came over with their kids.  We had dinner, the kids ran around outside till after dark and everyone got along.  Dima acted appropriately with them not expecting them to take care of him but always came to "Momma" and "Pappa".  A good sign of attachment i'm told.  Brian had a great way of teaching him some english.  Saying "Da" or yes in Russian is addictive and Brian got him to start using "Yes"...he's still doing it and i find myself saying "Da" out of habit so that's tells me he's really trying.  Lots of giggles below...he's like the most ticklish kid i've ever met...

Sure he still has an occasional tantrum but we're not overly worried about it.  We deal with it and he moves on and honestly after he comes out of it he seems even more loving.  It seems like as he becomes more comfortable with us he feels like he can push us a little bit more.  I think he pushes we push back, he sees that we love him no matter what his behavior and in the end he loves us more.
There are more random "I love you"s and more moments where he just wants a cuddle.
I'll leave you with this last video so you can see the twinkle in his eyes for yourself...

1 Month in Our Arms

We picked him up a month ago today!  When I heard this song I knew we'd use it for a video about Dima one day.  Hope you like it!

Little Victories

It's amazing how a couple of days can change things.  On Friday I was at my wits end... Saturday wasn't any better.  Dima had been testing me at every turn and Derek was a whiny mess.  One was either trying to steal something from the other or telling me "no" in either English or Russian.  It was exhausting, stressful and I had had enough.  Usually on Fridays Willem and I go out with friends or on a date so staying home with non cooperative kids for the third Friday in a row was hard to swallow and I began to feel like this would never end.
Willem decided to take over and had to get stern with the boys and I guess it did a world of good.   Either that or my parents were praying overtime (we went over to their house for a bit and were horrible grumpy guests).
On Sunday Dima woke up happy.  He had slept without complaint and without waking up scared.  In fact we woke up and heard the boys. The both of them had gotten up on their own and we caught them heading downstairs by themselves.  We were shocked as Dima has not gotten out of his bed on his own since we got him.  It is a pretty typical trend for institutionalized kids to be conditioned to stay in their beds regardless of the circumstances.  Happy boy was ready to start playing with only the supervision of his brother.  Since that moment his days have been great.  When he gets grumpy after being told "no" for whatever reason he no longer tries to avoid eye contact but instead looks me in the eye and accepts it.  Naps are easy as are bedtimes.  When I hold him he hugs me back most times and has even started rubbing my back when I carry him around (something I've done to him since we met).  I know we will still have rough days but I feel like he has turned a corner.  It is almost like he has accepted us and realizes we are acting in his best interest even when he's not getting his way. Oh and the best yet...he's started saying "I love you" in Russian to me. :)

Derek has also calmed down.  He has started listening better and playing better with Dima.  In fact this morning he didn't want to go to school but instead wanted to stay and play more with his brother.  Again, not expecting this to always be the case but "Thank you LORD!"  I was beginning to get worried they would always hate each other.
With his new attitude we decided to push our luck and take him to the park and then out to dinner.  He did AMAZING!  Only started to break down once when we misunderstood him and said yes to him playing on something he pointed out only to find out he meant the nearby tractor/backhoe that nearby construction workers had been using!  Whoops!  He took it gracefully and was back on his way. 

It is crazy how just a slight change in attitude can make such a difference in our family.  Fingers crossed we all keep these happy outlooks!

new words: sorry, shoes, milk, cookie, moose, help, slide, brush teeth, one, two, three, four, five, hello, bye and my favorite russenglish phrase "Goodnight Luna"

 

 

Life with Dima

When we signed up for an international adoption we were required to do a certain amount of education with regards to the potential issues children from less than optimum backgrounds often posses.  We were personally most concerned about the issues surrounding institutionalized children.  Dima has been in an orphanage his whole life.   We know nothing about what it was like for him as an infant.  Was he held much?  Did someone talk to him frequently?  Was he rocked to sleep?  Held while fed a bottle?  Did he often have the same caretaker?  All these things were critical for his development.  It helps or hurts his ability to be able to recognize Willem and I as his Dad and Mom.  Will he develop a healthy attachment to us?
Having read about this over and over has been both a blessing and curse.  Knowing the signs of attachment issues helped us be able to feel comfortable with moving forward with Dima after only spending a few hours with him.  Now though,  I find myself stressing and always thinking about attachment.  I'm continually looking for good signs, bad signs any signs....  It's exhausting.  
Seeing my exhaustion my sweet husband demanded I have the day off on Saturday.  He declared Daddy Day Care and spent the weekend bonding with his boys.  He had them play in the rain, jump in the mud, explore our property, throw rocks in the ditches, play with sticks.  Willem knows the issues but admittedly I did the research and heavy studying.  Willem doesn't let it keep him from pushing Dima to try new things and as a result Dima's personality has begun to blossom.  Watching him with the boys made life feel normal again.  It made me realize I need to just let it be.  God chose Dima for us and whatever crops up from his past...God will give us the strength and wisdom to overcome it.  


 

Ironically after this surrender of my worrying and analyzing Dima started sleeping better, eating better, having shorter less frequent meltdowns.  He is more relaxed and so are we.  More and more I see him as any other kid instead of the damaged child all the books talk about.  He is so strong, so brave and I think he'll be that kid that turns lemons into lemonade.  Right now he is melting our hearts with his sweet funny personality and amazing us with his adaptability.

 

By the way: As you can see we got rid of the Euro Mullet! YAY! American haircut and American clothes go a long way.  I think he looks like my kiddos now where I never saw that resemblance before. 

 

English words this week: open, closed, car, cat, frog, horse, dog, fish, up, Dima's turn :) and his first albeit incorrect sentence "I nyet need to pee"

Our Brave Boy

We made it home and our homecoming was fantastic!  We were greeted by great friends and family bearing balloons and cards!  I was a little worried he would be overwhelmed but Dima seemed to relish in all the attention.  I think it was the abundance of children that really excited him.  His first moments with his siblings were perfect.  He knew their names and was eager to see them. 


Dima and big sister Maddy

Dima's adoring fans

Our first family photo

As far as his transition goes, I feel like it is going exceedingly well.  He has had only a few meltdowns and they are mostly about typical 3 year old stuff.  In fact our other 3 yr old, Derek has seemingly had more issues.  Going from being the baby to having another sibling let alone one that is walking talking and interested in the same toys as you is rough.

 

The things we are seeing we believe are symptoms of grief for his first home, his orphanage.  When in Russia we slept with him and while it comforted him he couldn't sleep.  We were too stimulating to him.  He would pet my face, my hair, my arms...everything for close to two hours before nodding off.  Now home we are teaching him to sleep in his bed without us.  Derek is in his room so I think that is comforting to him.  He will often fuss before bed but settles down and goes to sleep much quicker without us there.  Willem ultimately sleeps in there with him as he wakes up once or twice a night crying and after reassurance from Pappa he's off to sleep again.  A couple of times he has rattled off a list of names in his pre bed chatter.  We are pretty sure it's his group mates and we suspect they had some ritual of saying goodnight to everyone by name.

 

He also discovered our videos and pics of him in his orphanage on the plane ride home while entertaining him with my Ipad.  He will watch it over and over again.  It seems to calm him and he even laughs at the other group mates.  Our thinking is, his videos were comforting to us while we were away so we hope they are comforting to him now.

 

All in all he is incredibly sweet and smart.  He shares well.  Never hits or bites or lashes out at his siblings or even us when upset.  He's eating and playing well.  Will cuddle with us and enjoys making us laugh and smiling at us.  Most of the time he is happy and enjoying his new life and the freedoms he never had.  We know his grief is important and so we are nurturing him through it but pray he finds peace soon. 

 

Oh and for those of you who are wondering here is a list of English words from the top of my head that he uses:

on, off, light, juice, again, please, stop, walk, jump, run, telephone, jellyfish (thank you leappad computer)





The Highs...

Today was a bit more trying day with Dima.  I'll post more about that later but it's late in Moscow and Willem and I were just talking about all the great things about him and we came up with this funny list so I thought I'd post it so I don't forget...Here goes

by the way i call this picture "Dima...the boy from Russia"

Funny Things about Dima
he's scared of the trash can...he thinks it bit him once (it's one of those step on cans where the lid goes up...it kind of did as it came down a little fast and caught his finger ever so slightly.  we had to kiss it and make a big deal of it and fuss at the trash can.  now everytime we throw something away we act like we're scared and relieved when the trash can doesn't bite us....he still fusses at it by shaking his finger as he passes by)

he sings at the top of his lungs in moscow (we can't figure out how to tell him to be quiet and it draws attention which makes us uneasy as i'm sure people get suspicious when they see english speaking people carrying around a very talkative not always cooperative Russian toddler)

scared of washing machine (asked if it would bite him too)

scared of things that bite (saw a seal biting another seal..wouldn't touch a crocodile statue...said it bites...we are wondering who has been biting this child?)

he tries to tickle my feet (he thinks its hysterical...it was fun but it's getting tiresome playing like it is ticklish all day long but i oblige him)

he tried to grab the water as it was draining (we let him sit in it till its gone...seems more passive aggressive that way as he loves his bath...he tries to catch it and then when all gone he says "Bye water")

iphone game with finger drawing is magic (you know the ones where you color with your finger...he keeps looking at his finger to figure out where the color is coming from)

he's obsessed with jackets (willem told him to put on his sweater and called his own sweater a jacket...dima wanted the "jacket" and said it was his.  he put it on so we could show him it was too big as all we can say that would apply in russian is "big"...willem also put on his jacket so we could say "small")...so wishing we had a pic of willem in the small jacket

would brush his teeth all day but looks like he's in agony as he does it...well see for yourself

he walks straight towards us every time we try to take a pic of him by himself...we have several of him close up to the camera about to grab it...can't figure out how to say stay there or smile for that matter)

he picks his nose right before he falls asleep
That is all for tonight...i'm spent!

 

All things Dima

What a great couple of days it has been!  We are loving getting to know our boy and he seems to be loving it as well.

Things we have learned about Dima:
He loves to eat but will tell you when he is full and wants no more
He loves to drink (especially juice)
He has a small bladder! (he drinks a lot and then has to go pee quickly...we're told they drink little in orphanages so it makes sense)
Grapes are yucky
Holding mama or papa's finger is the preferred way to go to sleep
Machinas (Russian for cars) are awesome....we are on a busy street and he is always pointing out         "Boshoia Machina!" "Malinkaya Machina" ("Big Car""Little Car")
Light switches rock
Bath time should be all the time and splashing water all over his face is great fun
He's quite the actor (if he gets hurt, even slightly, he rushes to us to kiss it and make it better...he is  quite convincing as to how hurt he is but after a kiss or us making a fuss over it he smiles and runs off as if nothing at all happened!)
Loves socks (especially new socks)
Loves music (bops his head when he hears it)

Yesterday we took him to the zoo here in Moscow.  Our translator had the day off and offered to take us.  Thank you Aunt Irina as Dima calls her!  We went via metro and Dima was absolutely amazed by the trains and the tunnels.  He loved the zoo and the animals.  I loved seeing his expressions but more than that I loved seeing him be a boy just like anyone else.  He sat on the subway next to a boy and he seemed so proud.  He kept looking at him like "I'm just like you"  At one point during the day he told some passerby "that's my mama".  (super sweet right?)

walking with mama and aunt Irina

this is how he smiles when told to smile for the camera

this is my favorite

he said "that elephant is not big it's huge"

"i'm not an animal" (best said with Arnold Schwarznegar accent)

Today we are hanging out and laying low as "Zoo Day" was a big day and we need to be taking it slow.  Hoping to meet up with another adopting couple tonight at Red Square.  Will try to post again tomorrow.