It's hard to know where to pick up this story. We've had so many people watching for posts on facebook and stopping me to say how much Kasen's story has touched them... Life has been SO busy but I felt it time for an update!
You know how kids grow so much in that first year of life? It's like Kasen is having his own unique "first year" with us...He's grown in so many ways he's almost unrecognizable from the first time we met him.
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| Kasen in Red Square the day after we picked him up from orphanage |
Fears he's overcome...loud sounds in the yard would send him running, bugs of any kind would evoke tears immediately. He was fascinated by the dogs but the moment they showed him attention he'd run screaming. And then there was the nighttime. There was something about his room, the window, the closet, his bed....I worried we would have to move him to another room for a while. The lighting was all wrong, he'd get tangled in the sheets. There was always something wrong. Willem spent months on the trundle bed so Kasen could just see his daddy asleep next to him. Even then it didn't always help. He told tales of monsters, bad guys and mice. "The mice bit his toes"....we still hear this...I still have a hard time believing this is true as the orphanage was immaculately clean but maybe. His fears were definitely real.
The list of firsts is long. It's like living 3 yrs of life in 1 yr. His first car ride, train ride, plane ride, trip to the zoo, eating in a restaurant, shopping experience, bathtub bath, movie, carnival ride, sitting on a bike, fireworks, beach, skiing, camping, hiking, 4 wheeling, hay ride, tractor ride, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, bouncy house, swim, fishing trip...ER visit ;) ....this little man has LIVED more experiences than he could have possibly dreamed of.
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| Derek and Kasen on their first fishing trip with PawPaw...note worms in Kasen's hand |
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| Kasen's first encounter with the Beach in Galveston, TX |
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| Getting some sun after playing in the sprinkler in the backyard |
He's had his share of confusion and sadness. I remember the day after we brought him home to our apartment in Moscow from the orphanage, he laid down on his stomach covered his eyes and just wailed and kicked the floor. It was so obvious he was missing the only family he had known. Even then I felt like he knew that he was involved in what was best for him but it overwhelmed him just the same. He'd name his group mates for weeks at bedtime. He's been angry with us and man oh man can he glare! He's got eyes that could kill! He's been confused by rules of a family and it's been frustrating to him. He still struggles with the fact that everybody doesn't always get the same thing. Sometimes our actions affect our privileges and sometimes life just isn't fair.
Parents are a new concept to him. He'd call any adult male Papa. He's told me that I'm not his momma. He knows deep down that I'm not his biological mom and he's expressed it to me. He pushes me away at times and I know that it is a deep routed feeling of rejection. (We talk and he comes around) We've had many conversations about how he has one momma and one papa and his love for them is to be special. You will sometimes hear him say "1 kiss and 1 hug"..that's what he says to remind himself that he can greet our friends and give them one hug or 1 kiss hello..."kisses and hugs are for momma and poppa". It's how we've taught him to be appropriate with our friends. He still struggles with the desire to charm any adult he meets...it's how he survived in the orphanage.
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| He freely gives momma kisses and often says "I love my momma" |
The thing about it all is that quite honestly Kasen is the most remarkable, bravest person I have ever met. He loves and trusts when there is no reason for him to do so. He refuses to be put down. He is proud. I know pride can be a sin but in his case I smile every time because i know it is a survival skill that served him well. He'll make lemonade out of lemons every time. It's his defense mechanism...it's like he says in his mind "you are hurting me but I'll show you and i will be happy still" It's been hard to get past this shell of his but we are chipping away at it. When he's being corrected he goes from angry and proud first to overall acceptance and remorse and then he tries so very hard to prove he can do what you want him to do. You can actually see the gears turning in his head and watch him determine himself in his mind to put aside fear or frustration and try again. There is NOTHING that this boy can't do.
Willem and I adore all of our children but there is something about Kasen...something that we have seen in him, we just know he is destined for something GREAT. He teaches us and our other kids things about patience and trust and perseverance. We can't claim any of it....be it DNA or character, God Himself has placed everything within this child to survive and to succeed. In my mind it makes him exceptional! Sometimes it's hard to admit that we have this little boy that in ways supersedes our biological children and we have nothing to do with it but it makes my heart skip a beat when i think about how much God loves him and how much he has prepared his little soul for overcoming the struggles he's had. It's absolutely amazing!
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| Kasen's first 4th of July |
Right now we are just living life. Things are finally seeming normal, busier and louder, but normal. The next hurdle for Kasen will be school. His English has come along beautifully and he is able to regulate himself so much better now. We have signed Kasen and Derek up for K4 in the fall. We are praying for both of their teachers and for Kasen to be receptive to the routine of school and receptive to learning.
Thank you for continuing to read along...i will try to keep posting.
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