the king of the oprhanage

We got the king of the orphanage.  I've expressed it before but I'm not sure people realize how lucky we are.  Kasen was described to us by his caretakers as the "best", "nothing wrong with him", "perfectly normal" and "healthy".  He has blue eyes, blonde hair and all the features that are classic Russian.  I've read that kids with these features are sometimes treated a little better.  They are favored.  Wether it is true or not, my son was loved.  His caretakers were right.  He is healthy, he has no real delays.  He is intelligent and he is on par with most kids his age and in some areas even advanced.  He has had very little attachment issues so far and it is obvious that he trusts.  When we left with him his caretakers cried and his social worker told us he was her most special baby.  We still email her and she checks in on him which is almost unheard of in other russian adoptions.  She had been with him since he was brought there at 2 months old.
As all kids eligible for international adoption he was "advertised" for adoption in Russia.  His face and description was on a national registry website as are most orphans in Russia with a link to find out more information.  At the Ministry of Education they told us we were fortunate to get him as a referral as he should have been adopted by a Russian family.  This picture was run in the newspaper...

He was available to any Russian family for his entire 3 yrs.  If anyone had shown interest in him his mother's parental rights would have been challenged.  When we went to our court hearing to be named his parents a representative of Moscow testified he had been available to the public of Russia.  That "no one wanted him" that because of his "medical condition" and his "situation" the people of Russia were not interested.  His medical condition?  He was healthy and had been his whole life.

With this new ban on adoption of Russian children by Americans I am appalled and left scratching my head.  Russia is embarassed that other countries are stepping up to take care of their 700,000 orphans.  Other countries overlook medical descriptions and rocky starts to give a kid a chance.  Mr. Putin wants Russians to adopt their children and keep them in their country. They don't want the US coming in and even giving aid anymore to the orphanages of Russia.  There is talk that they will extend this ban to other European countries as well...
Orphanages rely heavily on foreign adoptions and charitable organizations (largely foreign organizations) to help keep them stocked with essentials, food, diapers, medicines....what little the Russian government provides just doesn't cut it.  Westerners and western humanitarian organizations have opportunities to get in at times to see these orphanages and later report about them.  With all this closed off I am frightened about what the state of Russian orphanages will become.  This is the image it conjurs up...













That is what I have emblazened in my mind of unchecked orphanages... It is the main reason we chose adoption from a post soviet country.  The thought that a child could be trapped in a system that could turn into that is un fathomable...
So I say all that to say this...

Mr. Putin,
I have the best of your orphans.  He is the perfect image of the Russian race.  He is smart, articulate, incredibly charming.  He was your best...Your people didn't want him.  You threw him away.  Placed him in some corner of Moscow never to be heard of again. Not one of your own raised an eyebrow at him, wanted to give him a chance or love him.  How sir do you believe you will be able to find homes within you country for the hundreds of thousands of children who are struggling with their plights...struggling with the meager health care they have received...lagging behind because their home country has turned their backs to them thus far?  I thank you for the opportunity to raise Dima...he is strong and destined for greatness.  I pray that one day he finds pride in his Russian heritage and can give back to the Federation of Russia and help right the wrongs of his country...help the unloved orphans...the neglected.  He will be magnificent and till that time I will love him, teach him compassion and love and raise him proud to be an American and proud to be a Russian.  It was faith and good will that brought me to your country and it is faith and good will that will bring him back one day. 
Please reconsider the children...the best interest of the 700,000 in your care.   Surely there are some that are destined for greatness...please don't let those children slip away.  Don't let them sit in lonely beds staring at walls waiting for parents who will only consider "the best" and even then walk away.  They are Russians too...

And for everyone else...please pray with us.  Pray that Russia and the USA can come to some agreement and that the waters can be smoothed.  Children are at stake.  Let the people of this world everywhere become concerned with the plight of the parentless everywhere...not just Russia.  And, for those children in Russia who have been promised parents and felt their embrace...who are waiting and for those parents who have their children but can't get to them...please pray for them.  If you are reading this and have been touched by Dima and our journey then please say a prayer....three months time and he could have been one of the unlucky ones....

It's not always rainbows and butterflies

I've been meaning to write a realistic post about some of the struggles we have as newly adoptive parents...I had hoped to do a couple of posts describing the issues as we have them but i'm finding it difficult to get time to sit down uninterrupted with my computer.  Sadly this all came to a head a couple of days after Christmas and I felt like i needed to get some things off my chest.  I find this blogging to be therapeutic...Forgive me if it's wordy but it's a good description of where we are really...
There is so much good about his situation that I have a hard time knowing where to begin. The typical things like English acquisition and eating and sleeping skills are all doing quite well. He astounds us with new English words everyday. Things I didn't know he knew that he uses appropriately. He still speaks some Russian and we still speak a little but the majority is English out of both his and our mouths.  He narrates all day everything he's doing.  It's pretty funny actually..."mom i'm pooping"..."mom I'm eating"..."mom i'm playing"  He is using his english every chance he gets and we are loving it!
His sleeping has been much better. His waking at night terrified for unbenounced reasons are few and far between. He doesn't fight us for bed anymore either which signals to me that he either realizes he has lost that battle or he welcomes sleep a little more.
His eating has gotten better. He eats most things we put in front of him. We do have the occasional battle at dinnertime as do all three year olds but his are a little different than my other kiddos. We struggle teaching him the appropriate amount of food to put in his mouth. It isn't so much that he puts too much as it is that he takes FOREVER to chew and swallow. He is always the last to finish and often he overfills his mouth and chews on and on and eventually just spits it all out....which is infuriating! When he decides he doesn't like something and he knows he has to eat it he will do so but chews on it forever and even end up making himself throw it up later. Again a practice that drives us nutty! He's getting better and he is learning but it's at a slow pace in the food area...can't win them all...
His relationships with his siblings is great. He fights with Derek but all brothers do. Those two crack me up as they will be down right evil towards each other in one moment then giggling at each other just making silly faces across the room. His sisters, he adores...they are little mommas to him which sometimes is an issue but I feel like it is because of them that he is so secure at home.  We can go out on dates because Maddy and Savannah are there to help put him to bed.  Same with Derek...he is okay with going to mother's day out because big brother is next door and every now and then he will go to see him as a reminder.
He behaves himself in public and is usually easy to correct if need be. He's calmer in social settings too. No more running around like crazy constantly trying to be a clown.
He makes us laugh and participates as the other family members do. He doesn't seem like an outsider looking in anymore but a real part of the family. He includes himself and likes to say grace at a meal or add his story when the kids are going on and on...even if we don't understand it completely.
Our struggles with him have been minor and we feel so very blessed!
As with any family though it isn't all rainbows and butterflies...
As a mom you generally know what your kids are feeling often before they say it. You can tell if your kid lies, if he's truly sorry, if he's really hurt. You often know how best to discipline and how to get an appropriate response out of him. Often personalities come out with your kids that you recognize.  You end up saying things like "you're just like your dad" or "you act like my sister".  With Kasen it's a crap shoot. I can tell some times in his eyes if there is remorse but sometimes it is hard to distinguish if it's a real apology or if he just wants his thing back or his being able to play again. It's hard as a parent to hear "I'm sorry" or even "I love you" when you think it is a trained or learned response. It makes you raise an eyebrow at all those other times he says "I love you"...like do you really or do you just want something from me. With my bio kids it is assumed and comes natural. With Kasen it is super special when you know it's for real but it's irritating when you realize you are being manipulated with very special words like I love you.
If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago how he is attaching I'd say no problems whatsoever. In recent weeks though I feel like he is testing us. He will say things like "I don't want momma" or "I want momma to go away" Same goes for Willem. He does this every now and then for both of us and it stings. He will sometimes point at complete strangers and say "that's my papa" which is also painful to hear. Hearing these kind of things then having to turn around and clean up his food he just spit out of his mouth because he didn't listen and crammed too much in or wipe his behind or make him a cup of juice for the 30th time that day makes for a rough day. It can turn even the most patient inside out. I am so thankful for my husband. Doing this alone would be maddening. I also appreciate my other kids as they see it on occasion and will come and just patiently hug me and remind me "you're a good momma, mom"
I try to ignore these episodes and gently remind him that I love you..I'm your momma and I will never leave you no matter what you say to me but on occasion I do have to walk away and allow Willem to step in and vice versa.
This holiday was bitter sweet. I busted my hump to give him the Christmas any child would love. To give him one he'll never forget. I was successful in many ways...he loved Christmas. His eyes lit up...he fell asleep appreciative of the day and so tuckered out from the excitement of it all. With all the hustle and bustle of it though he did unravel a bit. More fits than usual, more indiscriminate affection towards others, more moments where he was distant with us.  Something was brewing in him and the morning after Christmas I awoke to an angry confused little boy who decided to take it out on momma. I won't go into details but he was ugly and defiant and I had had enough, it was the straw that broke the camel's back and it broke my heart. For honestly the first time since we have gotten him I was furious with his mother. ANGRY that he was forced to live a life with people coming and going out of his life constantly. Never really able to call anyone family, never really knowing how to love someone. In his mind the best way to get attention was to kick and scream and then act cute and cuddly till you get what you want. It's all about survival. This precious adorable child deserved the best and he got nothing. And now I am here sheltering him, feeding him, loving him and trying to undo all the damage that was done.
My whole plan for the day was to just play with my kids and enjoy them, instead I spent hours working with him on how to properly treat mom while my other three kids sat downstairs waiting on me.
I had to take a moment, compose myself and remind myself..."he's overwhelmed, this "family" thing is new to him and it doesn't feel as real to him as it does my other kids" I cried a little then went back into his room and lovingly worked through it. At nap time he fell asleep in my arms. This time I prayed that he really feel my embrace and really enjoy it and that it sink into his heart...that he wake up feeling "this is for real."
In any event i don't write all this to complain. I've read about it and i feel prepared for it and I have strategies for making it better.  It is even to be expected.  None the less it sucks.  I am venting a little but more than that i'm writing for prayer from those of you who feel so inclined. I need lifting up and encouragement. Likewise, Kasen needs prayer...we want him to know that we love him and aren't going anywhere...It's okay to love back.

Christmas...

He's been here three whole months!  I feel like an update is in order.
First off I'll start with the obvious and most current...Christmas!
Obviously, it was a special Christmas for us.  Last year at this time we were planning to travel to Russia to meet another little boy only to find out a few days later that we were probably not a good fit for him as a family.  It was a hard time filled with anxiety and ultimately sadness.  This year was so different.  First off with regards to that little boy we recently found out that he has found a home!  He happily spent his first Christmas with his forever family too, a family that was better suited to his needs than us.  We are so thankful to know that God provided for him and that in the end our decision was what was best for him and not just us.  I'm amazed at how God worked it all out and how His plan was there all along.

Our family this year felt complete.  We are loving the balance of two girls, two boys.  While things are way more chaotic sometimes and loud and crazy...we still love it.  No more wondering what God had in store for us.  No more wondering if our son was out in the world scared and alone.  He was there, sitting in front of us with his feet dangling from the stool at the breakfast bar asking for "bilinis"(crepes) and chocolate milk for breakfast .  It seemed that Christmas time was more miraculous...I kept looking at him and thinking "how did you get here?" and "why haven't you been with us all along? you are obviously ours"

We did our typical Christmas things.  We made cookies, gingerbread houses, christmas ornaments...etc...  Kasen got to meet all of my mom's side of the family.  We had a great party complete with a bonfire and hayride.  We went to Acadian Village with friends and Kasen had so many firsts...he sat on Santa's lap, he saw a whole village of Christmas lights, he rode his first carnival ride, had his first fireworks experience!  He went to sleep that night and said "Mom I had good day" 

The boys really got into the Santa thing this year and went to bed on Christmas Eve bursting with excitement.  Chritmas morning was fun as usual but more bustling with an extra kiddo in the house. Kasen did get overwhelmed occasionally and more on that later but overall his Christmas was hopefully something he will never forget!  I know we will never forget his reaction to it all.  At one point I asked "Kasen did Santa come?"  He said "Yes, presents"  I said "yes you were a good boy.  I love you Merry Christmas."  He said back to me "Say it again momma" and hugged my neck.  Heart melt...teary eyes... :)
After all the presents were opened and the chaos of the day gone we all climbed into my bed to read about the birth of Jesus before bed.  Kasen likes to point out the baby Jesus and we hope he has some understanding of what Christmas is really about.
Above are a couple of shots from the past few week.  I hope all of you had a very special Christmas!

what is in a name...

We've had some questions over the past couple of months about our boys name. I thought I'd do a mini post to clarify. 
"Dima" is our son's nickname given to him by the orphanage.  All kids are typically called by their nicknames versus their real names in orphanages.  In Dima's case his name was Dmitry but he has never responded to that.  It's always been Dima.
When we adopted him we decided to give him an American name.  Our thinking is that he would like to have an American name as he gets older...let's face it, by the time he is grown he will be more American than Russian.  So we named him Kasen Dmitry Mast.
When we picked him up we decided to stick with Dima for a while as he was going through enough changes...he didn't need us to be calling him by something different to boot.  So Dima it was...
After he was home a couple of weeks I introduced him to his new name...it was a funny conversation so I'll go through it with you...
me: "Dima your name is Kasen"
Kasen: "My name is Dima"
me:  "Yes you are Dima Kasen"
Kasen:  "No i am Dima Boy"
me: "yes Kasen you are a boy"
Kasen: "momma...D...IIII.....MMMM...AAAA" (over enunciated as if I didn't understand)
I let it go for a while but soon referred to him as Dima Kasen.  Not long after he would say "Ya Kasen Dima"
Derek  (who still calls him Dima most often) opens to any stranger they meet "This is my brother Dima...He's from Russia...He speaks Russian" which is almost always followed by Kasen chiming in with "I'm Kasen Dima....hi"
It's all a little confusing, his name is Kasen but he'll answer to either.  Just clearing things up for those who thought we went out and adopted another child named Kasen :)