A YEAR OF KASEN!!

I can't believe he has been with us a full year.  I think I will always be amazed at his transformation.  How this little boy has gone from speaking only Russian to speaking fluent English and learning how to read and write is one of the most remarkable things for us to watch!  He went from living in an orphanage and had no idea of what family life was like to being a sweet, compassionate and loving little brother and son.  He's adjusted to life so well you'd never know that he hasn't been ours all along.

Kasen's first drawing of his family

We had a great party for his birthday and to celebrate his being home a year with good friends and family.  As he sat there at our table outside looking at everyone sing him Happy Birthday I can see a confidence in him that wasn't there before.  He has friends, family and he knows he is loved.  As I tucked him into bed he said "Momma thank you for letting my friends come play with me at my house and with my family."  He said more than once over the celebrations of his birthday "this the most specialist birthday ever."  Those are the type of statements that make our hearts swell.  God has blessed us with the opportunity of seeing how far love can take a person.

I am posting a video of his Gotcha Day (we like to call it Dima Day).  It is long but I tried to subtitle some of he sweet things he said on that day.  Just like the birth of my biological children it will be a day that I will always cherish and hope the details never fade away.  (please ignore my insanely cajun accent while saying "kooshut" which means "eat" in Russian...guess a true Cajun can't talk about eating without letting the cajun twang slip out)

We also made this video about his coming home to the song "Home" by Phillip Phillips.  The words of this song could not have applied better.  I really think he wrote that about adoption ;)

Hold on, to me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you’re not alone

Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear

Don't pay no mind to the demons

They fill you with fear

The trouble it might drag you down

If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you’re not alone

Cause I’m going to make this place your home

He has seen this music video and LOVES it.  Every time it comes on the radio he gets excited and yells "Mom, it's my song!"  The kids all smile when he does that.  Without a doubt the thing that has blessed us the most is when we're driving down the road and I hear his sweet voice sing at the top of his lungs "just know you're not alone...I'm gonna make this place your home" I don't know if we will celebrate "Dima Day" every year.  We don't want to always remind him that his past is different from the other kids.  We'll let him take the lead on that one.  But this one....this one is super special and we are happy today!

Ruskie Report ;)

It's hard to know where to pick up this story.  We've had so many people watching for posts on facebook and stopping me to say how much Kasen's story has touched them...  Life has been SO busy but I felt it time for an update!
You know how kids grow so much in that first year of life?  It's like Kasen is having his own unique "first year" with us...He's grown in so many ways he's almost unrecognizable from the first time we met him.

Kasen in Red Square the day after we picked him up from orphanage

Fears he's overcome...loud sounds in the yard would send him running, bugs of any kind would evoke tears immediately.  He was fascinated by the dogs but the moment they showed him attention he'd run screaming.  And then there was the nighttime.  There was something about his room, the window, the closet, his bed....I worried we would have to move him to another room for a while.  The lighting was all wrong, he'd get tangled in the sheets.  There was always something wrong.  Willem spent months on the trundle bed so Kasen could just see his daddy asleep next to him.  Even then it didn't always help.  He told tales of monsters, bad guys and mice.  "The mice bit his toes"....we still hear this...I still have a hard time believing this is true as the orphanage was immaculately clean but maybe.  His fears were definitely real.
The list of firsts is long.  It's like living 3 yrs of life in 1 yr.  His first car ride, train ride, plane ride, trip to the zoo, eating in a restaurant, shopping experience, bathtub bath, movie, carnival ride, sitting on a bike, fireworks, beach, skiing, camping, hiking, 4 wheeling, hay ride, tractor ride, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, bouncy house, swim, fishing trip...ER visit ;) ....this little man has LIVED more experiences than he could have possibly dreamed of.

Derek and Kasen on their first fishing trip with PawPaw...note worms in Kasen's hand

Kasen's first encounter with the Beach in Galveston, TX

Getting some sun after playing in the sprinkler in the backyard

He's had his share of confusion and sadness.  I remember the day after we brought him home to our apartment in Moscow from the orphanage, he laid down on his stomach covered his eyes and just wailed and kicked the floor.  It was so obvious he was missing the only family he had known.  Even then I felt like he knew that he was involved in what was best for him but it overwhelmed him just the same.  He'd name his group mates for weeks at bedtime.  He's been angry with us and man oh man can he glare!  He's got eyes that could kill!  He's been confused by rules of a family and it's been frustrating to him.  He still struggles with the fact that everybody doesn't always get the same thing.  Sometimes our actions affect our privileges and sometimes life just isn't fair.
Parents are a new concept to him.  He'd call any adult male Papa.  He's told me that I'm not his momma.  He knows deep down that I'm not his biological mom and he's expressed it to me.  He pushes me away at times and I know that it is a deep routed feeling of rejection.  (We talk and he comes around)  We've had many conversations about how he has one momma and one papa and his love for them is to be special.  You will sometimes hear him say "1 kiss and 1 hug"..that's what he says to remind himself that he can greet our friends and give them one hug or 1 kiss hello..."kisses and hugs are for momma and poppa".  It's how we've taught him to be appropriate with our friends.  He still struggles with the desire to charm any adult he meets...it's how he survived in the orphanage.

He freely gives momma kisses and often says "I love my momma"

The thing about it all is that quite honestly Kasen is the most remarkable, bravest person I have ever met.  He loves and trusts when there is no reason for him to do so.  He refuses to be put down.  He is proud.  I know pride can be a sin but in his case I smile every time because i know it is a survival skill that served him well.  He'll make lemonade out of lemons every time.  It's his defense mechanism...it's like he says in his mind "you are hurting me but I'll show you and i will be happy still"  It's been hard to get past this shell of his but we are chipping away at it.  When he's being corrected he goes from angry and proud first to overall acceptance and remorse and then he tries so very hard to prove he can do what you want him to do.  You can actually see the gears turning in his head and watch him determine himself in his mind to put aside fear or frustration and try again.  There is NOTHING that this boy can't do.
Willem and I adore all of our children but there is something about Kasen...something that we have seen in him, we just know he is destined for something GREAT.  He teaches us and our other kids things about patience and trust and perseverance.  We can't claim any of it....be it DNA or character, God Himself has placed everything within this child to survive and to succeed.  In my mind it makes him exceptional!  Sometimes it's hard to admit that we have this little boy that in ways supersedes our biological children and we have nothing to do with it but it makes my heart skip a beat when i think about how much God loves him and how much he has prepared his little soul for overcoming the struggles he's had.  It's absolutely amazing!

Kasen's first 4th of July

Right now we are just living life.  Things are finally seeming normal, busier and louder, but normal.  The next hurdle for Kasen will be school.  His English has come along beautifully and he is able to regulate himself so much better now.  We have signed Kasen and Derek up for K4 in the fall.  We are praying for both of their teachers and for Kasen to be receptive to the routine of school and receptive to learning.
Thank you for continuing to read along...i will try to keep posting.

Dima's Russia

I love Kasen's age.  I feel like adopting a preschooler was a great idea for us.  While we desperately miss the fact that we didn't get to see him as an infant there have definitely been some advantages to adopting at this age.  Kasen from the start has been able to communicate his needs to us and we have been able to communicate our expectations to him.  I think it is helping him to attach to us easier as there is less confusion.

Regardless of his ability to communicate there have been some things that are lost in translation.  We have shown pictures of Kasen's orphanage to him from the start.  He associates it and everyone he knew before us as "Russia". We have tried to ask him if he misses Russia and he has always seemed to say to us he wants to go back which admittedly bothers us somewhat.  He has happy memories from there and he had friends there.  We are happy that he had good feelings but we've always been confused as to where we stand in that picture in his mind.
We are planning a trip to Montana and told the kids we will be going on an airplane.  Since then Kasen has been obsessed with Russia.  He sees pictures of Russia and he says "Dima's Russia" "I'm from Russia" "I love Russia"  It's been a daily thing for about two weeks now.
Tonight I was laying with him in his bed and he said something about going to Russia again.  I explained to him we are going on a plane to Montana not Russia.  He said no we're going to Russia.  I said "Buddy, mom and dad aren't going to Russia.  This is our home."  He got real quite and started whining and said "Momma I not want to go to Russia.  I want to stay."  Obviously I melted and explained he didn't have to go back and that he will be staying here forever with us.  He said "yes, mama and papa and Dima" which is something he has quoted since the day we picked him up.  
I'm amazed at all this stuff he has to process and how well he has handled it.  I hate that he had a moment of doubt and concern but it was so nice to see him work through it and show us he truly loves us....that he chooses us too, even over "Dima's Russia".
Here are a couple more pics of our silly little man...

the king of the oprhanage

We got the king of the orphanage.  I've expressed it before but I'm not sure people realize how lucky we are.  Kasen was described to us by his caretakers as the "best", "nothing wrong with him", "perfectly normal" and "healthy".  He has blue eyes, blonde hair and all the features that are classic Russian.  I've read that kids with these features are sometimes treated a little better.  They are favored.  Wether it is true or not, my son was loved.  His caretakers were right.  He is healthy, he has no real delays.  He is intelligent and he is on par with most kids his age and in some areas even advanced.  He has had very little attachment issues so far and it is obvious that he trusts.  When we left with him his caretakers cried and his social worker told us he was her most special baby.  We still email her and she checks in on him which is almost unheard of in other russian adoptions.  She had been with him since he was brought there at 2 months old.
As all kids eligible for international adoption he was "advertised" for adoption in Russia.  His face and description was on a national registry website as are most orphans in Russia with a link to find out more information.  At the Ministry of Education they told us we were fortunate to get him as a referral as he should have been adopted by a Russian family.  This picture was run in the newspaper...

He was available to any Russian family for his entire 3 yrs.  If anyone had shown interest in him his mother's parental rights would have been challenged.  When we went to our court hearing to be named his parents a representative of Moscow testified he had been available to the public of Russia.  That "no one wanted him" that because of his "medical condition" and his "situation" the people of Russia were not interested.  His medical condition?  He was healthy and had been his whole life.

With this new ban on adoption of Russian children by Americans I am appalled and left scratching my head.  Russia is embarassed that other countries are stepping up to take care of their 700,000 orphans.  Other countries overlook medical descriptions and rocky starts to give a kid a chance.  Mr. Putin wants Russians to adopt their children and keep them in their country. They don't want the US coming in and even giving aid anymore to the orphanages of Russia.  There is talk that they will extend this ban to other European countries as well...
Orphanages rely heavily on foreign adoptions and charitable organizations (largely foreign organizations) to help keep them stocked with essentials, food, diapers, medicines....what little the Russian government provides just doesn't cut it.  Westerners and western humanitarian organizations have opportunities to get in at times to see these orphanages and later report about them.  With all this closed off I am frightened about what the state of Russian orphanages will become.  This is the image it conjurs up...













That is what I have emblazened in my mind of unchecked orphanages... It is the main reason we chose adoption from a post soviet country.  The thought that a child could be trapped in a system that could turn into that is un fathomable...
So I say all that to say this...

Mr. Putin,
I have the best of your orphans.  He is the perfect image of the Russian race.  He is smart, articulate, incredibly charming.  He was your best...Your people didn't want him.  You threw him away.  Placed him in some corner of Moscow never to be heard of again. Not one of your own raised an eyebrow at him, wanted to give him a chance or love him.  How sir do you believe you will be able to find homes within you country for the hundreds of thousands of children who are struggling with their plights...struggling with the meager health care they have received...lagging behind because their home country has turned their backs to them thus far?  I thank you for the opportunity to raise Dima...he is strong and destined for greatness.  I pray that one day he finds pride in his Russian heritage and can give back to the Federation of Russia and help right the wrongs of his country...help the unloved orphans...the neglected.  He will be magnificent and till that time I will love him, teach him compassion and love and raise him proud to be an American and proud to be a Russian.  It was faith and good will that brought me to your country and it is faith and good will that will bring him back one day. 
Please reconsider the children...the best interest of the 700,000 in your care.   Surely there are some that are destined for greatness...please don't let those children slip away.  Don't let them sit in lonely beds staring at walls waiting for parents who will only consider "the best" and even then walk away.  They are Russians too...

And for everyone else...please pray with us.  Pray that Russia and the USA can come to some agreement and that the waters can be smoothed.  Children are at stake.  Let the people of this world everywhere become concerned with the plight of the parentless everywhere...not just Russia.  And, for those children in Russia who have been promised parents and felt their embrace...who are waiting and for those parents who have their children but can't get to them...please pray for them.  If you are reading this and have been touched by Dima and our journey then please say a prayer....three months time and he could have been one of the unlucky ones....

It's not always rainbows and butterflies

I've been meaning to write a realistic post about some of the struggles we have as newly adoptive parents...I had hoped to do a couple of posts describing the issues as we have them but i'm finding it difficult to get time to sit down uninterrupted with my computer.  Sadly this all came to a head a couple of days after Christmas and I felt like i needed to get some things off my chest.  I find this blogging to be therapeutic...Forgive me if it's wordy but it's a good description of where we are really...
There is so much good about his situation that I have a hard time knowing where to begin. The typical things like English acquisition and eating and sleeping skills are all doing quite well. He astounds us with new English words everyday. Things I didn't know he knew that he uses appropriately. He still speaks some Russian and we still speak a little but the majority is English out of both his and our mouths.  He narrates all day everything he's doing.  It's pretty funny actually..."mom i'm pooping"..."mom I'm eating"..."mom i'm playing"  He is using his english every chance he gets and we are loving it!
His sleeping has been much better. His waking at night terrified for unbenounced reasons are few and far between. He doesn't fight us for bed anymore either which signals to me that he either realizes he has lost that battle or he welcomes sleep a little more.
His eating has gotten better. He eats most things we put in front of him. We do have the occasional battle at dinnertime as do all three year olds but his are a little different than my other kiddos. We struggle teaching him the appropriate amount of food to put in his mouth. It isn't so much that he puts too much as it is that he takes FOREVER to chew and swallow. He is always the last to finish and often he overfills his mouth and chews on and on and eventually just spits it all out....which is infuriating! When he decides he doesn't like something and he knows he has to eat it he will do so but chews on it forever and even end up making himself throw it up later. Again a practice that drives us nutty! He's getting better and he is learning but it's at a slow pace in the food area...can't win them all...
His relationships with his siblings is great. He fights with Derek but all brothers do. Those two crack me up as they will be down right evil towards each other in one moment then giggling at each other just making silly faces across the room. His sisters, he adores...they are little mommas to him which sometimes is an issue but I feel like it is because of them that he is so secure at home.  We can go out on dates because Maddy and Savannah are there to help put him to bed.  Same with Derek...he is okay with going to mother's day out because big brother is next door and every now and then he will go to see him as a reminder.
He behaves himself in public and is usually easy to correct if need be. He's calmer in social settings too. No more running around like crazy constantly trying to be a clown.
He makes us laugh and participates as the other family members do. He doesn't seem like an outsider looking in anymore but a real part of the family. He includes himself and likes to say grace at a meal or add his story when the kids are going on and on...even if we don't understand it completely.
Our struggles with him have been minor and we feel so very blessed!
As with any family though it isn't all rainbows and butterflies...
As a mom you generally know what your kids are feeling often before they say it. You can tell if your kid lies, if he's truly sorry, if he's really hurt. You often know how best to discipline and how to get an appropriate response out of him. Often personalities come out with your kids that you recognize.  You end up saying things like "you're just like your dad" or "you act like my sister".  With Kasen it's a crap shoot. I can tell some times in his eyes if there is remorse but sometimes it is hard to distinguish if it's a real apology or if he just wants his thing back or his being able to play again. It's hard as a parent to hear "I'm sorry" or even "I love you" when you think it is a trained or learned response. It makes you raise an eyebrow at all those other times he says "I love you"...like do you really or do you just want something from me. With my bio kids it is assumed and comes natural. With Kasen it is super special when you know it's for real but it's irritating when you realize you are being manipulated with very special words like I love you.
If you would have asked me a couple of weeks ago how he is attaching I'd say no problems whatsoever. In recent weeks though I feel like he is testing us. He will say things like "I don't want momma" or "I want momma to go away" Same goes for Willem. He does this every now and then for both of us and it stings. He will sometimes point at complete strangers and say "that's my papa" which is also painful to hear. Hearing these kind of things then having to turn around and clean up his food he just spit out of his mouth because he didn't listen and crammed too much in or wipe his behind or make him a cup of juice for the 30th time that day makes for a rough day. It can turn even the most patient inside out. I am so thankful for my husband. Doing this alone would be maddening. I also appreciate my other kids as they see it on occasion and will come and just patiently hug me and remind me "you're a good momma, mom"
I try to ignore these episodes and gently remind him that I love you..I'm your momma and I will never leave you no matter what you say to me but on occasion I do have to walk away and allow Willem to step in and vice versa.
This holiday was bitter sweet. I busted my hump to give him the Christmas any child would love. To give him one he'll never forget. I was successful in many ways...he loved Christmas. His eyes lit up...he fell asleep appreciative of the day and so tuckered out from the excitement of it all. With all the hustle and bustle of it though he did unravel a bit. More fits than usual, more indiscriminate affection towards others, more moments where he was distant with us.  Something was brewing in him and the morning after Christmas I awoke to an angry confused little boy who decided to take it out on momma. I won't go into details but he was ugly and defiant and I had had enough, it was the straw that broke the camel's back and it broke my heart. For honestly the first time since we have gotten him I was furious with his mother. ANGRY that he was forced to live a life with people coming and going out of his life constantly. Never really able to call anyone family, never really knowing how to love someone. In his mind the best way to get attention was to kick and scream and then act cute and cuddly till you get what you want. It's all about survival. This precious adorable child deserved the best and he got nothing. And now I am here sheltering him, feeding him, loving him and trying to undo all the damage that was done.
My whole plan for the day was to just play with my kids and enjoy them, instead I spent hours working with him on how to properly treat mom while my other three kids sat downstairs waiting on me.
I had to take a moment, compose myself and remind myself..."he's overwhelmed, this "family" thing is new to him and it doesn't feel as real to him as it does my other kids" I cried a little then went back into his room and lovingly worked through it. At nap time he fell asleep in my arms. This time I prayed that he really feel my embrace and really enjoy it and that it sink into his heart...that he wake up feeling "this is for real."
In any event i don't write all this to complain. I've read about it and i feel prepared for it and I have strategies for making it better.  It is even to be expected.  None the less it sucks.  I am venting a little but more than that i'm writing for prayer from those of you who feel so inclined. I need lifting up and encouragement. Likewise, Kasen needs prayer...we want him to know that we love him and aren't going anywhere...It's okay to love back.

Christmas...

He's been here three whole months!  I feel like an update is in order.
First off I'll start with the obvious and most current...Christmas!
Obviously, it was a special Christmas for us.  Last year at this time we were planning to travel to Russia to meet another little boy only to find out a few days later that we were probably not a good fit for him as a family.  It was a hard time filled with anxiety and ultimately sadness.  This year was so different.  First off with regards to that little boy we recently found out that he has found a home!  He happily spent his first Christmas with his forever family too, a family that was better suited to his needs than us.  We are so thankful to know that God provided for him and that in the end our decision was what was best for him and not just us.  I'm amazed at how God worked it all out and how His plan was there all along.

Our family this year felt complete.  We are loving the balance of two girls, two boys.  While things are way more chaotic sometimes and loud and crazy...we still love it.  No more wondering what God had in store for us.  No more wondering if our son was out in the world scared and alone.  He was there, sitting in front of us with his feet dangling from the stool at the breakfast bar asking for "bilinis"(crepes) and chocolate milk for breakfast .  It seemed that Christmas time was more miraculous...I kept looking at him and thinking "how did you get here?" and "why haven't you been with us all along? you are obviously ours"

We did our typical Christmas things.  We made cookies, gingerbread houses, christmas ornaments...etc...  Kasen got to meet all of my mom's side of the family.  We had a great party complete with a bonfire and hayride.  We went to Acadian Village with friends and Kasen had so many firsts...he sat on Santa's lap, he saw a whole village of Christmas lights, he rode his first carnival ride, had his first fireworks experience!  He went to sleep that night and said "Mom I had good day" 

The boys really got into the Santa thing this year and went to bed on Christmas Eve bursting with excitement.  Chritmas morning was fun as usual but more bustling with an extra kiddo in the house. Kasen did get overwhelmed occasionally and more on that later but overall his Christmas was hopefully something he will never forget!  I know we will never forget his reaction to it all.  At one point I asked "Kasen did Santa come?"  He said "Yes, presents"  I said "yes you were a good boy.  I love you Merry Christmas."  He said back to me "Say it again momma" and hugged my neck.  Heart melt...teary eyes... :)
After all the presents were opened and the chaos of the day gone we all climbed into my bed to read about the birth of Jesus before bed.  Kasen likes to point out the baby Jesus and we hope he has some understanding of what Christmas is really about.
Above are a couple of shots from the past few week.  I hope all of you had a very special Christmas!

what is in a name...

We've had some questions over the past couple of months about our boys name. I thought I'd do a mini post to clarify. 
"Dima" is our son's nickname given to him by the orphanage.  All kids are typically called by their nicknames versus their real names in orphanages.  In Dima's case his name was Dmitry but he has never responded to that.  It's always been Dima.
When we adopted him we decided to give him an American name.  Our thinking is that he would like to have an American name as he gets older...let's face it, by the time he is grown he will be more American than Russian.  So we named him Kasen Dmitry Mast.
When we picked him up we decided to stick with Dima for a while as he was going through enough changes...he didn't need us to be calling him by something different to boot.  So Dima it was...
After he was home a couple of weeks I introduced him to his new name...it was a funny conversation so I'll go through it with you...
me: "Dima your name is Kasen"
Kasen: "My name is Dima"
me:  "Yes you are Dima Kasen"
Kasen:  "No i am Dima Boy"
me: "yes Kasen you are a boy"
Kasen: "momma...D...IIII.....MMMM...AAAA" (over enunciated as if I didn't understand)
I let it go for a while but soon referred to him as Dima Kasen.  Not long after he would say "Ya Kasen Dima"
Derek  (who still calls him Dima most often) opens to any stranger they meet "This is my brother Dima...He's from Russia...He speaks Russian" which is almost always followed by Kasen chiming in with "I'm Kasen Dima....hi"
It's all a little confusing, his name is Kasen but he'll answer to either.  Just clearing things up for those who thought we went out and adopted another child named Kasen :)